This week’s discussion sounds similar to last weeks, yet it is focused on the items in the next chapters.  So let’s focus our discussions on these ideas. 

We’ve all seen it,  and we’ve all done most of these…  children do misbehave.. it’s part of growing up and learning about life.  How it’s handled though determines alot of things from the quality of the relationship to many individual characteristics that will evolve.  This week is about understanding the styles of misbehavior and what to do about them.

Reaction seeking and indolence… how similar and yet different at the same time.  The author of Answers indicates that a child seeking both is after attention, affection, and usually love.  How does that make sense?  When a child is doing well we want to praise them and be around them.  When a child is being “bad” why would we want to pay attention to them?  Yet we do…. Alfred Adler (a Neo-Freudian) and even cognitive authors cite a child’s craving for attention and affection.  So do adults… we want the same from those that matter to us…  in the best situations we grow close to those we love and want them close to us.  When it doesn’t happen it usually leads to divorce or break up.. and many people get so ugly during those times… it’s so similar to the acting out behaviors of children… and with adult bodies and intellect. 

So what’s the answer for children?  How do we help those who crave and need us via these negative behaviors so they want to do it better and (more importantly) feel what is needed inside?

This discussion is a great reinforcement for this unit, since as it was mentioned before, reaction-seeking and indolence are behaviors that are very easy to confuse due to their dual nature. Personally, I am living again my childhood thru this unit. I have two more siblings, and I can see how everyone reacted and behaved accordingly my parents’ parenting. Now, my mother is suffering so badly due to the way she raised my brother, he is 43, and his perception of life is like if he were 16. It is so sad! In the FEARS chapter, the reading material states clearly the fears a human being is born with. Same thing with misbehaviors. Misbehaviors do not come with the baby. It is a faulty believe justifying those misbehaviors such as: That’s his/her personality, he/she got those misbehaviors from the father, that’s part of being a child, etc. etc… Misbehaviors such as reaction-seeking, indolence, fears, goal-getters and so many more, are product of what we see, what we experience, and what we learned. Going back to my brother, I feel so sorry for him and mom, they are in a very toxic, hostile, abusive, and pathologic relationship. Yet, they cannot survive without each other. That’s what they really want to believe. My brother is unable to keep a close relationship, have no friends, is miserable in his jobs, it is difficult to keep a job for a long period, his OCD-neurosis is getting worse, his Asperger syndrome controls his life, on top of that, the Peter Pan syndrome is stronger than any possible rationality. This is a clear reflection of a very poor and permissive parenting.  As somebody said: “If you don’t want to be crying and suffering in life, then love your children with discipline, authority, and limits”.

I found an easy and substantial article. I hope you like it. http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-about-attention-seeking-kids (Links to an external site.)